I just bought our third car seat, and if I’ve learned anything about buying car seats it’s that buying carseats is daunting and miserable.

Not only do you have to find the right seat among hundreds of options — infant seats, forward facers, rear facers, forward and rear facers, all-in-ones, 3-in-1s, and boosters — but then you have to custom install the thing based on your child’s size and your vehicle’s’ specifications. It’s too much.

In fact, a study by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) found that 3 out of 4 car seats are installed incorrectly. Another study found that 95% of new parents made installation mistakes with their first car seats.

I’d like to think I could install a car seat correctly, but man those are bad odds. And even if I’m one of the lucky 5% who aces the first install, there’s a 75% chance I’ll mess up the second…and the third….which brings up another issue: How many car seats do I have to buy?

I assume car seats follow some natural progression that mirrors the growth of your child, but what happens when you have multiple kids and multiple vehicles? Does your life just become a terrible word problem?

Child A must use an infant seat until he turns 1, a rear facing seat until 2, a forward facing seat until 4, and a booster seat until 8. Child B must follow the same pattern but is 20 months younger than child A.

If both children ride in the sedan on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the SUV on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, how many car seats can Children A and B’s father afford before he has to find a second job?

In this post, we’re going to cover everything you need to know about the most important piece of child equipment you’ll ever buy. Now, let’s get to it.

Simple Tips for a Safer Seat

You might be wondering what’s the safest car seat on the market. Well, technically, any new car seat you buy is safe. Before a seat can be sold, it must pass the U.S. government’s crash and fire safety standards. This prevents shoddy products from ever reaching the market.

And although companies like Consumer Reports and Baby Gear Lab complete their own independent safety tests, the results are inconsistent at best, as winners and losers often flip flop based on the criteria of the test.

So, what can you do to make sure your car seat is safe? Well, a few things:

Buy brand new. The government is continually increasing safety requirements and safety technology is continually improving. The best way to make sure your seat has all the newest safety features — 5-point harness, 2 piece chest clip, etc.— is to buy a brand new seat.

Know the law. Laws regarding how long kids must remain in carseats and boosters differ by state. For a map outlining a state-by-state breakdown, click here.

Watch an installation video. Installation is easier when you can watch someone else do it. The NHTSA provides instructional videos for car seat installation on its website. These videos cover many things that aren’t necessarily obvious in your owner’s manual like where to position the harness straps and chest clips. Watch the videos here.

Have the car seat inspected after installation. Places like local police departments and fire stations will inspect your car seat for free. To find the nearest car seat inspection station, just type your zip code into this handy widget on the NHTSA’s website.

Read reviews. The safest seat is the seat that’s installed correctly. By reading reviews and paying attention to factors like ease of use and installation, you can find a seat you can safely install.

Buy the right seat. Before my daughter was born, I thought a car seat was a car seat. I was wrong. There are infant car seats and booster seats. There are convertible seats and 3-in-1s and all-in-ones, and at some point in her life, your child will need most or all of them. Here’s a rundown.

Types of Car Seats

This grid outlines the seats your child will need as he grows. All size limits are approximate and will vary by individual make and model.

Note: Recently, car seat companies have started manufacturing all-in-one models designed to grow with the child from infancy until they no longer need a booster. Many reviews and safety tests have determined that, by trying to do too much, they don’t do any one thing particularly well. As a result, all-in-one models are excluded here.

How to Buy Car Seats For Your Growing Family

This infographic from the NHTSA outlines car seat recommendations based on the age of your child.

Now, here is a more specific plan. By no means is it the only plan. But based on the research required for this post, here is my answer to the great car seat riddle. Again, ages listed here are approximate. When your child transitions seats will depend on his size and the specifications of the seat.

Phase 1: Your newborn

Although most convertible seats technically can contain a newborn, most researchers agree that infants are safest in an infant seat.

Also, I can’t imagine life without the baby carrier. Like how do you get the newborn to and from the car? With your bare hands? Because that seems dangerous. I do not trust myself to safely deliver the newborn to his car seat. I need that carrier. Anyway…

The Decision: Graco SnugRide Click Connect 35 and an additional base

The Graco SnugRide Click Connect 35 (click images to see on Amazon) is the number one seller on Amazon and also goes on sale frequently. We bought the seat, which includes a base, and then an extra base for our second vehicle. With our car seat needs covered, we could then worry about other things for the first year of parenthood.

Phase 2: Your 1 Year Old

A new study from Consumer Reports recommends that children transition from an infant seat no later than their first birthday, and sooner if they reach the size limit. However, a lot of research shows 1-2 year olds are safer riding rear-facing than forward-facing — in some cases 5 times safer — because a rear-facing seat offers the best protection for a small child’s head, neck, and spine.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) cites that children under 2 are 75% less likely to die or be severely injured in a crash if they are riding rear-facing. So to be in line with the AAP’s official recommendation that all kids ride rear-facing until at least 2, you’ll need a convertible seat, one that rides rear-facing from 1-2 (or longer) and forward-facing thereafter.

What about my second vehicle? Of course, since convertible seats don’t come with a detachable base, you’ll have to figure something out for your second vehicle. You could, theoretically, switch the seat between vehicles. But as a new parent, who is permanently running 20 minutes late, I don’t have time for that.

So, maybe a better bet is to get a budget seat. Remember, all car seats have passed government testing. A lot of times, what you pay for is comfort and extra features. And although this seat might not be as posh as the one in your primary vehicle, it’ll offer a safe ride a few times per week.

The Decision: Graco Contender 65 & Evenflow Tribute LX

I promise I don’t work for Graco. But after assembling and using hundreds of baby products from different companies, Graco is just simpler. And you can’t put a price on simplicity, especially when you’re a new parent.

The Evenflo Tribute LX has performed incredibly well in safety and ease-of-use testing, and at half the price of its competitors, makes a great seat for your second vehicle or for grandparents.

Phase 3: Your 2 Year Old and (maybe) New Baby

With two convertible seats and an infant seat with an extra base, you’ll be covered until your youngest child turns 1. Then it’s time to think about booster seats.

Remember a booster seat uses your vehicle’s seat belts, as opposed to the 5-point harness. The harness offers the best protection for small children because it prevents them from wiggling around and also distributes the force of impact over a larger area of the body, should a crash occur.

Therefore, your child should only be moved to a booster when he meets the following requirements:

• At least 4 years old
• At least 40 pounds
• Mature enough to stay seated

Since my daughter won’t meet the booster requirements by the time her younger sibling turns 1, we bought a 3-in-1 Harness Booster to bridge the gap. She can sit forward facing using the 5-point harness until she’s ready for a booster and then use the booster until she graduates to sitting like a normal person in the back seat. Since most states mandate that kids ride in a booster until at least 7 years old, we’ll likely have to buy a couple backless boosters (~$25) in a few years. But I’ll worry about that another day.

The Decision: Graco Nautilus 65 3-in-1 Harness Booster

My daughter just failed Backfloat Baby 1, a swim class for one-year-olds where doing the Hokey Pokey is 90% of the curriculum.

In fact, at no point during the 12 weekly lessons did I consider there were actual passing requirements. They were never discussed. There wasn’t a final test. And since the girl was the most experienced and comfortable swimmer in the class, I assumed she would doggy paddle right into Backfloat Baby 2.

We didn’t even realize she had failed until we had left the pool, as demonstrated here in my wife’s premature celebratory Snap.

As parents, this was new territory, marking the first time anyone had ever suggested our perfect little sweetheart was in any way not perfect. But for something as trivial as a baby swim class, I was surprisingly pissed off over it.

What do we do? Do we go back and demand an explanation? Is that crazy? Will that make us ‘those’ parents? Maybe I should call the program director. Or maybe I should wait until nightfall and toss a burning bag of shit on the steps of the main entrance.

We decided to call and were told that the girl failed because “she didn’t show enough independence on her backfloat.”

Now, this can mean one of two things, either A) the girl swims fine, and this gibberish about independence and backfloats is just a sham to squeeze us for an additional enrollment fee. Or B) the girl really DOES need to show more independence on her backfloat and, as a proud father, I refuse to accept that this is true. Because it’s not. The girl swims like a goddamn mermaid.

We were also told that in some cases, they will permit a child to enroll in Backfloat Baby 2 without first passing Backfloat Baby 1. All we’d have to do is come in for an assessment, pass the assessment, and get sign-off from a swim manager, which is a hilarious overestimation of what I’m willing to endure just to hemorrhage another $300 to this stupid swim school.

Anyway, it’s been a week and I’m basically over the girl flunking. For now, she can learn to swim in the community pool, and we’ll throw the $200 we save into her college fund.

But what terrifies me is entering the phase of fatherhood where I can’t protect the girl from disappointment and failures brought about by the outside world. Because this is just the beginning.

Today it’s some swim class she neither knows she failed nor participated in. But what happens when she gets cut from the softball team? Or when she doesn’t get invited to little Susie’s 6th Birthday Bash? What happens when her little heart is broken and there is nothing I can do to piece it back together?

It’s not something you think about when your kid is in diapers, and it’s not something I thought about, until now. Here are 3 lessons I learned from watching my kid fail.

1. Don’t Let it Turn You Into a Monster

It sucks watching your kid fail. This is expected and obvious, but it doesn’t make it any easier. But I think the hardest part is not taking it personally.

I’m a reasonable guy, and the instructor seemed like a nice enough gal. But I found myself immediately wishing hateful shit upon her, as if she were some cold-hearted swim fascist whose sole purpose was to make life miserable for the Palma family.

When someone criticizes your child, it’s only natural to want to throw that someone into a poisonous snake pit (that is a natural instinct shared by all of us, right?). But you can’t be going all Momma Grizzly anytime anyone points out an imperfection. You gotta keep your head and be calm, but at the same time…

2. Don’t Be Afraid to Stand Up for Your Kid

I played hockey growing up, and youth hockey in Minnesota is about as political as a GOP convention. This entire state is filled with batshit parents willing to kiss the ass of every hockey coach in a 50 mile radius if it means more ice time for little Jeffrey.

And as kids, we knew it too. Kids are smart. We were well aware of all the hobnobbing and brown nosing, and I remember thinking I’m never gonna be like that.

But now that I’m a parent, I sorta, kinda get it. Not the ass-kissing so much, but the acting like a crazy person for the sake of your child.

You know your kid like no one else. You see the work they put in and know how bad they want something — not that the girl put any work in for her swim class, but hypothetically speaking — others just see another snot-nosed kid. You should stand up for your child. Because if you won’t, why should anyone else?

3. Preach Effort Over Outcome

Not to get all philosophical, but what is failure? Like, at what point have you officially failed? Steve Jobs released dozens of unsuccessful products and was even fired from his own company. But were those failures? Or just steps to success?

Ernest Hemingway once wrote, “I write one page of masterpiece to ninety one pages of shit. I try to put the shit in the wastebasket.”

Failure is scary. It prevents great people from doing great things. But studies show that failure is an ingredient of success. A lot of times, what we consider failure is a necessary part of the process.

So teach your kids not to fear failure. Preach effort over outcome, and remember you only fail when you quit. So if you want something, don’t ever quit.

Unless that something is an unfair and overpriced swim school. Then you should definitely quit and find a cheaper option.

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Choosing a baby name is the best task of being an expectant parent. Sure, you have a nursery to build and a stack of baby books to read and once this kid pops out your life will never be the same. But you also have this — the opportunity to give your child an identity that he will carry for the rest of his life.

Now, finding the perfect name isn’t easy. First, there are many names to choose from and most the good ones are taken, either by people from your past who you’d prefer have no association with your child or by your asshole brother-in-law, who stole your dream name for his son just last month. Also, your partner obviously has a say in the matter, which means you’ll have to agree and compromise. But worry not, because today we’re covering all these issues and more. Here now is your painless but complete guide to finding the perfect baby name.

Make A List

When my wife was pregnant, I bought a big book of baby names and had all the intention of reading it cover to cover. I would leave no stone unturned in the quest for the ultimate name. My advice to you: don’t do this.

Don’t go A to Z. There are too many damn names. After the 2nd page of the ‘A’s I was ready to quit and name the child Aardvark. A much better approach is to use names you like to find others of a similar style.

Use the Name Matchmaker. Maybe you’ve had a baby name in mind for years. Maybe you want your kid’s name to reflect his Italian heritage. Or you want a short name so you can easily scold the child with a single syllable. BLAKE!

You can use these preferences to generate a customized list of baby names using the Name Matchmaker tool at babynamewizard.com. You have to sign up with an email, but you don’t have to confirm anything so just use a junk address. 

The tool lets you enter up to three example names and customize preferences for style, culture, popularity, and length. It’s also surprisingly accurate. I entered 3 of the runner-up names we had for our daughter and the database not only returned the name we decided on but others from our list as well.

Write but don’t rank. You’re brainstorming here, so write the names down but don’t worry about ranking them.

Don’t worry about middle names yet. First names are infinitely more important than middle names. Yes, you’ll need one, but it shouldn’t influence the first name decision.

Do this as a couple. When it comes to naming a child, expectant parents can follow one of two strategies. You can either a) each make a list and hope there’s overlap, or b) complete the whole process together. The latter makes it far less likely you will go off in wildly different directions.

When you feel comfortable, move on. We often believe that information drives better decisions. But too much information creates option fatigue and can actually result in poorer decisions. So don’t go searching the ends of the internet for the hidden gem of baby names. When you have a list of 8-12 names with a few very solid candidates, move on.

Make A Short List

Now that you’ve collected enough names to feel comfortable with a decision, narrow the list to 3-4 finalists.

Review and discuss. My wife and I had our list in a notebook. We’d run through it every few nights and after about two weeks, the finalists emerged almost subconsciously. Give it some time and a little thought and the contenders will show themselves. Then when you’re ready…

Make the cuts.

Select Your Name

You now have 3-4 perfectly worthy baby names. Good for you! But, of course, there can be only one. Run each name through the following tests and tiebreakers to determine the champion.

Bring in the middle name. You’ll need to make sure the initials as well as the full name vibe, so now it’s time to add the middle name.

A quick note: the middle name is a great place to incorporate a little family history. So if you want to honor Grandma Mildred, without giving her first name prominence, this is where to do it. Also, don’t be afraid to use a variant. If you think Mildred is a little too ancient, even for a middle name, use Millie instead.

Say every version of the name out loud. Benjamin James Dover is an excellent name. Benjamin J. Dover? That’s fine. So is Benjamin Dover. But Ben Dover? Not so much.

Consider the initials. If your last name is Johnson, then Pamela May is a fine first and middle name combo. But if your last name is Smith, your little P.M.S. might have a rough go in high school.

Consider the nickname. You will be saying this name many, many times. It doesn’t hurt to have a name that converts nicely into a single syllable.

Imagine the child as an adult. It’s easy to think of names only as they apply to a baby. But in two short years the child will be a walking, talking, deliberately disobeying toddler. And, of course, for most of his or her life, he or she will be an adult. Make sure the name is appropriate for all ages.

Get an outside opinion. I know The Thing right now is to not announce the name until the baby is born, but consider running it by a trusted advisor. A history buff, for example, could prevent you from raising a little Marshall Applewhite or Theodore Bundy.

Check trends for popularity. If having a unique name is important to you, make sure to check trends (available here on Baby Name Wizard). Just because Mila wasn’t popular when you picked it in 2014 doesn’t mean it wasn’t trending in that direction.

Don’t go into the delivery room without a decision. You’ll have other things to worry about. And if you’re expecting the kid to show you his name through his personality, you are expecting far too much from a newborn.

Recycle and reuse. You’ve done a lot of great work here. Make sure to save the fruits of your labor for your next child.