It’s Tailgating Season!

Tailgating Season

Summer is over so say goodbye
To your tan, the beach, and temps that are high
Goodbye shorts and sandals and girls in skirts
Make way for snow and ice and air that hurts
Yes, winter is coming but it’s not here yet
We have 2 months of fall, don’t you forget
So as days get shorter and temperatures drop
It doesn’t mean the fun has to stop
See this time of year is the best time of all
For grilling and beer and watching football
So here are 7 handy tips should you need a reason
To don your jersey….Hell and shit yeah! It’s tailgating season!

1. Start Early

Tailgating Season

Kickoff is at noon, and if you’re gonna reach intoxication levels of the average football fan, you need a quick start. A pre-planned morning menu with some or all of the items below will definitely set this party off right.

Pre-made Breakfast Burritos

Tailgating Season

The key to tailgating happiness is a foundation built on protein, carbs, and Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage. The best thing about these burritos is that if you make them the night before, you don’t have to screw with breakfast in the morning. Just get to your spot, toss them on the grill, and move on to more important things like drinking.

Coffee and Baileys

Tailgating Season

Coffee and Baileys takes my hopeless addictions to both caffeine and alcohol and streamlines them into a single, delicious fix. So not only do I get the essential morning pick-me-up, but a little booze on my breath as well. Isn’t that fantastic? I think so.

Note: I realize what’s pictured above is Merrys. Whoever was assigned the Irish cream must have been on a budget. But whatever, it tastes alright.

Bloody Bar

Tailgating Season

Continuing with the trend of dual-purpose alcoholic beverages, the bloody mary can be both a solid pre-gamer and a hearty snack. Garnish with a beef stick, hard boiled egg, or even a celery stalk for maximum nutrition.

Screw-ups

Tailgating Season

I do poorly with spicy shit. So when one of my hotshot buddies shows up with 5-alarm bloody mix made from the extract of the Trinidad Scorpion Pepper, I kindly say no thanks, asshole and drink screw-ups instead. OJ, vodka, and Sprite won’t win you any manliness award, but I have reached a point where even the threat of heartburn and/or scorching diarrhea trump any objection from my ego.

2. Play Lawn Games

Tailgating Season

It’s rare that I drink somewhere other than on a couch in front of a television. But for tailgating, I’m willing to leave my climate-controlled comfort zone and endure a little physical activity.

3. Run a Route

Nothing exemplifies washed-up athleticism like a bunch of vodka-fueled 30 year olds tossing the ol’ pigskin around. I mean look at this: unless he’s got 12 additional inches of vert on him (he doesn’t) this jump is critically mistimed.

Tailgating Season

Here’s another certain incompletion:

Tailgating Season

This, on the other hand, looks like a nice route and an even better pass. I bet he drops it.

Tailgating Season

4. Sacrifice the Body

Tailgating Season

This is some really good effort. You gotta be willing to lay out like that without regard for yourself or the reputation of our group as a whole. Oh well, at least nobody is watching…

Tailgating Season

5. Fire Up the Grill

Tailgating Season

Oof-dah, I am starving. Who’s on grill duty? You? Alright good. Now whatever you do…

6. Don’t Burn the Meat

Tailgating Season

What did I just say? We can’t even eat these. Now we’ll have to pay $15 for some stadium sandwich. Speaking of which, it’s almost game time.

7. Root, Root, Root for the Home Team

Tailgating Season

It is time…time for long touchdown passes, pick sixes, brain-mashing hits and you, the loyal football fan, cheering your goddamn face off. So let’s do this!!! Skol Vikes!

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